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In Reply to: RE: for you divorced guys a sad story which you probably don't have posted by dark_dave56 on August 23, 2020 at 05:33:53:
That's a great way to look at it. I had not considered the idea that a wife leaving for another woman would be less hurtful for the reasons you noted.
My parents were together for over 35 years and would still be if my dad had not passed away - As brilliant as he was he just couldn't get off the cigarettes. Well he did in the end going to the patch but it was probably too late by then.
As the generations move on marriage looks less appealing to many. I see a lot of Poly groups - even here in Hong Kong. A lot of women I have met have said they don't feel one partner is enough to fulfill their needs.
Some of this makes a bit of sense as women today do not need a man for financial security. Men are biologically geared and perhaps environmentally geared to be Sam Malone from Cheers and chase every pretty woman who walks through the door. With divorce rates in the 50% range and then factoring in the 50% of marriages who stay together that not all of those are "happy" but they stay together for financial reasons or for the sake of the kids - you might be around 10-20% of marriages that are actually "happy." Good for you if you have that - you beat the odds.
And of course because of the roving eye not everyone wants marriage. many want it because that's the thing society tells them they should want.
One of my friends married a bit young to a Shanghai woman - marriage lasted 10 years he filed for divorce because she never worked - he would pay for her schooling and she would work for 2 months quit. She expected him to pay for everything. Then she would be angry that he wasn't a principal yet and should be earning more money to give to her. All he wanted was for her to take any job - do something even just working at Starbucks - anything. Nope. They had no kids.
He ended up sorta losing in court and giving her $300,000 or half his wealth. She brought nothing in contributed nothing - lied through her teeth in court. They were in the courts for 2 years. At the very beginning he had offered her a large sum of money. Had she taken his offer she would have walked away ahead. The lawyers wound up getting rich - they are always happy to have it drag on and on and on in the system - they get rich. Lawyers love it - they make a living on divorce.
Almost every couple I know has wound up divorced.
I think people today - the way the replace smartphones like shoes - may want to wait and really make sure it is right for them and not their family or community or religion etc.
I have dated a lot of women over the decades and maybe I am too picky but in most cases I am happy to date them - become friends - but to just have one every day for decades I doubt I could do it.
I get what you say about Love, Sex, and Marriage being 3 separate things but you could add several more facets.
How do you match up in terms of humour, intellectual discourse, politics, religion, interests, etc.
As I live in Hong Kong - there is also a cultural divide. Women I tend to prefer are those who are educated and who have lived in Western Cultures. I am not alone - many of the Expats fro the USA or England tend to prefer dating women from the Philippines because the Philippines has strong US ties. HK is closer to the UK so far more reserved. Filipinas are more aggressive with eye contact and flirting and they are generally more family oriented in terms of 1950s style approach. They are also poorer so looking for the man to bring home the bacon - which they will cook.
So if you are a divorced guy who has been kicked in the teeth - I completely understand why these guys go for a nice loyal Filipina who will look after the home and their man. In terms of generations these woman are old fashioned of sorts and are thus suitable for men in their 60s and 70s. And with cultural norms as they are in Asia - a 65 year old man with a 35 year old woman isn't viewed the way it is in the west. This is totally fine here.
I'm not down on marriage at all but I often think people get married when they probably should not. The Divorce is most often proof of that. While it is not always the guy's fault - even my friend - he said he had a lot of doubts about getting married and felt in his gut it was not for him. Pressure and the fact that she was absolutely gorgeous (I saw the picture - holy cow).
You are lucky to have found a great match - but I look back to last summer at two women I dated. One is 5'9 African American from Texas who is a model and could body double for Hale Berry. The other was 6'1 Russian and could be a body double for Uma Thurman. (She dresses as Uma Thurman on Halloween). Unfortunately she moved to Pennsylvania to do her PhD.
A schlep like me manages this so make em laugh, be a respectable cook - play some good music and there is a lot of fun in dating. When my dad and I went to Baskin Robbins he always ordered a variation on Vanilla. Vanilla, French Vanilla and Rum and Raisin. I would always order something weird like Tiger Tail or Bubblegum etc.
I wonder if there is a study on linking men who are happy with one woman and food experimentation versus men who play around and their choices in food.
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- RE: for you divorced guys a sad story which you probably don't have - RGA 08/26/2000:13:21 08/26/20 (0)
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