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DVD-Audiobahn New DVD-Audio music releases and talk about the latest players. |
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In Reply to: "I'm not dead yet." posted by Charles Hansen on June 29, 2005 at 14:26:48:
DEAD PARROTA customer enters a pet shop carrying a dead parrot in a cage. He walks to counter where shopkeeper tries to hide below cash register.
PRALINE: Hello, I wish to register a complaint… Hello, Miss?
SHOPKEEPER: What do you mean "miss"?
PRALINE: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
SHOPKEEPER: We're closing for lunch.
PRALINE: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
SHOPKEEPER: Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?PRALINE: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It’s dead, that's what's wrong with it.
SHOPKEEPER: No, no, it's resting, look.
PRALINE: Look, my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
SHOPKEEPER: No no it's not dead, it's resting.PRALINE: Resting?
SHOPKEEPER: Yeah, remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
PRALINE: The plumage don't enter into it - it's stone dead.
SHOPKEEPER: No, no! He's resting!
PRALINE: All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttle fish for you if you wake up Polly Parrot!SHOPKEEPER: (jogging cage) There, it moved!
PRALINE: No, he didn't, that was you pushing the cage!
SHOPKEEPER: I did not.
PRALINE: Yes, you did! (takes parrot out of the cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot wake up. Polly (throws it up in the air and lets it fall to the floor.) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
SHOPKEEPER: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
PRALINE: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
SHOPKEEPER: It’s probably pining for the fjords.
PRALINE: Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on his back the moment I got it home?
SHOPKEEPER: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back! Remarkable bird, lovely plumage!
PRALINE: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
SHOPKEEPER: Well, of course it was nailed there! Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars, and voom!
PRALINE: Look matey (picks up parrot) this bird wouldn't voom if you put four thousand volts through it! He's bleeding demised!
SHOPKEEPER: It’s not, it’s pining!
PRALINE: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. It’s run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!! This is an ex-parrot.
SHOPKEEPER: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
PRALINE: (to camera) If you want to get anything done in this country you’ve got to complain till you’re blue in the mouth.
SHOPKEEPER: Sorry guv, we're right out of parrots.
PRALINE: I see. I see, I get the picture.
SHOPKEEPER: I’ve got a slug.
PRALINE: Does it talk?
SHOPKEEPER: Not really, no.
PRALINE: Well it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?
SHOPKEEPER: Listen, I’ll tell you what, (handing over card) tell you what, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace your parrot for you.
PRALINE: Bolton, eh?SHOPKEEPER: Yeah.
PRALINE: All right.
He customer leaves taking the parrot with him.
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Follow Ups
- Dead Parrot - racerguy 06/29/0515:03:44 06/29/05 (0)
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